Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
