It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
