This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
