Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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