The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
