She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
