I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
