Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My penis needs a shock collar
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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