If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
