I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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