I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
