I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
