When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
