Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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