I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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