THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
