I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
