I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
