Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
