at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
