some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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