We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
