My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
