what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
