im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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