Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
