So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize