She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize