I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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