hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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