OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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