So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize