genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
