I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
