oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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