Where is the hickey?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
