____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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