My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
