i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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