im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
