thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
