it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
