I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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