look no pants
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
