love makes seman taste better
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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