Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
