hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
