It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
