Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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