My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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