So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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