Moan for me like Helen Keller
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
