True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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