Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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