I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
