I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
