I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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