I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
