I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
