I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
